I am a Murderer

Yeah, I killed her. And she happens to be a timid and helpless cockroach. The very killing stirred some emotions in me. It is not the first time that I was involved in a killing but there is something very intriguing this time. The first time I saw her, she was strutting pompously in my room. She seemed to be aimless and free spirited. She had the wings of an angel but never cared to use it, an emancipated spirit raring to explore every nook and corner of my room. I was overwhelmed with a sense of elation and wondered how a creepy creature like her, can ever be so exuberant. Then a sense of jealously simmered in me. How can she be so unfettered and do whatever she desired to, whereas I being a homo-sapien, having a better brain, and feel so impotent. I despised her. My vanity stood vindicated over my lost virtues and a vice like grip engrossed me. I took my first step to kill the poor creature.

I detested pulping her, at the very thought of me cleaning the floor off all the slimes that the dead cockroach would have left. Then I remembered that I had an insecticide. It sells in the market with a brand name of “HIT”. For once, I felt very good about the ad. I remembered how the generous Miss would play kabaddi with the cockroaches and eventually salvage her pride by killing those repugnant creatures. So, I clinged to one of the most admirable inventions. The cockroach was unaware of my nefarious plan. She was still lingering about the floor.

I was not alone in my pogrom, a room mate of mine too was present and cheering me for my elegant act. I aimed the nozzle at the ignorant creature and pressed it hard. She didn’t fickle a bit. She seemed to endure the lethal attack. That infuriated me to the extent. I pressed my index finger still harder on the nozzle, pumping out as much pesticide as I can on that insolent creature. Then a miracle happened, she began to fail. This time she didn’t strut pompously, instead she frenzied and run amok all about the room. And I basked at this devilish sight. She fluttered her wings rapidly, but she could not fly. She must have pleaded to The Almighty, but all to her vain, there was no one who could have come to her aid. She was about to meet her end. And after a while she died, died as silently as she would have come to this world.

On the onset, I was feeling with pride and congratulated myself with all the kudos. But later on when I moved to pick the dead creature and wanted to throw her out of the room, I observed the intricacies of her body and wondered how beautiful she was. I marveled at the creation of the Almighty. I lauded his creation. Then at that moment I realized, I have killed his very same creation. I turned blue, a gloomy envelope engulfed me. I repented for the same act for which a moment ago I had lauded myself. I wanted to give Life back to the corpse, with the very same right, I had taken, but I could not. I found myself as helpless as she was. I being a Human, could not help a bit. She was already dead, how much would I try, I won’t be able to bring her to Life. With this very realization I broke, broke down to my spirits.

Women's Day

Two days back, I skimmed through a broadsheet and realized that two days hence from then was Women’s Day. I got pleased on reading the news. That’s because of two reasons. First, I was going through Indian Express after an eternity and second, I cherished at the idea of wishing those women who had impacted my Life in some way or the other. My mother comes the first in the list.

Till now my mother has impacted my Life the most. From my very birth to till this day she has been living for her children, especially for me as she loves me the most, never for herself. Self abnegation is what I have understood from her. My family has seen many adversities. The state of affairs was not the same some 30 years ago. Financial situation of our family was not good in those times. She has fought hard to raise my siblings. After my birth the situation improved in my family. She got me admitted to an English medium school, where none of my siblings got a chance to. I am very obliged to her for this. My love for this language won’t have got developed if not for her, if any time in future I get admitted into a reputed B school, it would only be because of her. I have never thanked my mother for what I am today. I would definitely do it, some day by making her proud of me.

My insularity has taught me a lot. Now, I have understood how cooking is difficult. And I in home used to blame my mom for not making delicious cuisines, blast at her for every petty thing. I expected her to be perfect and myself to do away with the responsibility of household stuffs. I repent for being so unwise then. She works all the day long even her vigour has not diminished a bit till date. One can find mother either in the kitchen or in the “Puja” room. Either she would be preparing some eatables for the family including the dogs that we have, or she would be praying to GOD for the well being of every individual in the family but her. I dedicate this day of mine to my Mother. It would have been wise enough to do that on a Mother’s day but still not so unwise to do it today.

And for other women in my life, they are yet to come ;).